No More Afro, Afro Man
by dfxcm
Summary: Basically I got angry online one day while watching Bleach and that afro guy just really got to me. So I went on a hunt with my friend. :


**Disclaimer:**

**First:** I don't own anything. Any character mentioned in this fic is from Tite Kubo! The mecha is from Makoto Shinkai! Kurama is from Yoshihiro Togashi! And Souji Okita belongs to Nanae Chrono! Not me! Everyone else is an actual person!

**Second:** I have nothing against Mexico! Mexico is an awesome place.

**Third:** I do have something against the Philippines and Filipinos! Don't get mad at me! And no, no flames for that because I'm part Filipino!

**Summary:** My friend and I while I was watching Bleach. I'm going after that shinigami in Bleach that has the afro, Kurumadani Zannosuke. He just annoys me really bad.

And...** START!**

* * *

"I hate that Kurumadani Zannosuke guy, afro shinigami," I said to my friend. 

"Haha," she replied.

"He really pisses me off," I said

"Why?"

"He's just really stupid and I hate his afro," I said as I watched the episode of Bleach. "Oh geeze... it's afro man again."

"Haha," laughed my friend. "SHOOT HIM DOWN!"

"I WILL!" I yelled back.

"Hahaha!" she laughed.

Then, I pulled out a bazooka and got ready to fire.

"Oh my god," she said and I fired. "Where the hell did you get that?!?!"

"Heh heh heh." I avoided telling her.

". . ." Her eye slightly twitched as she went silent.

"Secret," I said.

She then cringed. "The Filipino version popped into my head," she said.

"Filipino version of what?" I asked.

"Ohh... You mean...see-coo-rrret," I said and rolled the R's

"Haha,"she said, "eww no."

"ANYWAY," I said rolling my eyes, "did i get him?"  
I searched over innocent bodies for the afro man. A follower of mine pops outta nowhere and shouts, "OVER THERE!"  
Readying my bazooka, I fired again.

"You have...followers?!!?" she asked amazed.

"Men! Come out from behid... I mean behind where you're hiding," I said and gritted my teeth for my horrible English.Then a whole army came out from behind trees and cars.

My friend just snickered at me.

Sighing, slightly annoyed at her immaturity and aimed my firearm at her. Then, I fired.

"DIRECT HIT!" yelled one of my men.

Unfortunately for me, she managed to pop some candy into her mouth before she was hit. We both watched as we hit her Gigai instead and then jump into a replacement body before running away.

"OPEN FIRE MEN!" I yelled and watched as all my followers pulled out bazookas and aimed and fired at her.

"DAMN YOU! IT WAS JUST A GRAMMATICAL MISTAKE! DONT FIRE AT ME!" she yelled over her shoulder. "GET THE AFRO MAN!"

We watched as he jumped the border into Mexico.

"JOIN SIDES WITH ME THEN!" I said.

"FINE!"

"ALRIGHT THEN! ALL FORCES TO MEXICO!" I announced as my friend gathered up sudden followers. "LETS GO!"

"Can we pass by Taco Bell?" my friend asked.

"NO! NO TIME!" I yelled impatiently at her.

"...damn," she cursed.

"MUST KILL AFRO MAN!" I said wanting to already have him good and dead.

"ARIGHT!" my friend said enthusiastically as my men and I had already stormed into Mexico.

I see behind me that she slowly walked past the border. "Is this right? Won't we get arrested for this?" she asked curiously instead of being worried or scared instead.

Not really giving a damn, I yelled at her, "SHUT UP! WE'RE HERE TO KILL AFRO MAN!"

"OK! OK! Geeze..." she said.

"ANYONE WHO DARES STAND IN OUR WAY WILL BE MET BY DEATH!" I yelled. All this talking and searching for him wasn't really doing anyone any good.

I then noticed my friend giving me a weird look before her head snapped in another direction. "OHH TACO BELL!" she said and head towards it... but then tripped and accidentally fired a missile launcher at it. This caused some angry people to gather around up.

"¡VENIDO HACIA FUERA SALIDO DONDE ESTÁS NUNCA HOMBRE DEL AFRO¡EL NIÑO DEL DIABLO ESTÁ AQUÍ MATARTE!" I yelled ingnoring them.

"UHH...IT WAS THE AFRO MAN!" my friend said blaming it on the yet to be murdered murder victim.

I grinned evilly as the Mexicans backed away and ran. My friend watched in amazement and asked, "Where the hell did you learn that?!!"

"Tch... THERE HE IS!" I said pointing to afro man. "OPEN FIRE MEN!"

Watches as everyone gets their firearms ready.

"FIRE DAMN IT FIRE!" I yelled at my friend as I watched as everyone was firing except her.

We both watched as a fellow comrade helped her turn the missle launcher around. "Oh... thank you," she said a little lost.

"¡ABRIR EL FUEGO!" I shouted.

She fired just as everyone shouted, "SI SENOR!"

"¡MATAR A HOMBRE DEL AFRO! CEASE FIRE!" I said and we all waited for the smoke to clear.

We watched as a bunch of Filipinos with fans begin to fan away the smoke. "Where'd they come from?" my friend asked.

"OPEN FIRE ON THE FILIPINOS!" I yelled without hesitation.

"GASP!" my friend said as I was already taking aim. "WHY?!? What'd they do?!?!"

"Basura," I said simply. "FIRE!"

My friend went speechless as I fired. Then that's when she had to be all rebellious and fire a missile launcher to intercept my missile.

I then moved to aim at her and fired.

"DIRECT HIT!" said one of my men.

Unfortunately, she didn't get hit and ran... and flew into the air and landed on the moon.

"..." My silence was full of bottled up anger. I blasted away at the moon and yelled, "ALL MEN! AIM FOR THE TRAITOR!"

"GASP!" we somehow heard her say.

"FIRE!" I yelled and watched all my men pull out enhanced bazookas and blow up the moon only to have her fly to "Pluto".

"EVERYONE! TO PLUTO!" after having a battle on Pluto, I turned to follower and asked, "Did we kill afro man?"

"He's still alive," they said.

"DAMN IT!" I cursed angrily and ordered everyone back to Earth as my friend jumped into a mecha suit lying around in Pluto. Turns out it was an extra from "Voices of a Distant Star".

"WHEEE MECHA!" she said.

_I swear I have some of the weirdest friends,_ I thought as we made it back to Earth and ignored her joyride.

First thing I did when I got back to Earth was pull out a sniper and shoot afro man right between the eyes.

My friend returned to Earth, despite how at home she seemed in space, and sighed as I continued to attempt to assassinate him.

"I GOT HIM!" I cheered happily to my friend and tried to make them come over with an enthusiastic wave.

"Please try to keep it down, it's night time," she said not wanting to encourage me and my ways.

"FOLLOWERS! BRING ME THE CORPSE!" I commanded.

"YES!" the all replied and I watched as they ran over and dragged his body back.

My friend then thought out loud that "the followers idea was a bad one for you" and also "thinks that being a leader is getting to you."

In an instant I pointed a bazooka right next to her head and super glued it there. "Care to think that again?" I asked.

"Eh heh..." she said putting her hands up defensively. "No thanks, I'm good."

So I dropped the bazooka and said, "Nothing I can do about it being stuck on your head."

She looked at me with an open mouth and twitching eye completely speechless.

"We can cut your hair, or get hot spring water, which one?" I suggested. "Think of the consequences first."

"I think I choose the-..." she began trying to think, which I think hurt her head a little since she furrowed her brows.

"Your face might be burned with the water, but at least your hair will grow back," I stated.

"I'll have a mask on!" she declared. "Yay! Masks!"

I held in a laugh and yelled, "ALRIGHT MEN! BRING IN THE HOT SPRING WATER!"

"WHERE THE HELL DO YOU GET THESE THINGS?!" she asked not finding it cool anymore, but creepy rather.

We watched as men came in with a huge tub of hot spring water with steam rising from the top. "Heh heh heh. Secret," I said and went to the top of a three story building. "AND POUR THE WATER NOW!"

I watched as they tipped the huge tub over and managed to get my friend washed away as it flooded the streets. "RESCUE TEAM! FIND THE BODY!"

I saw her float to the surface, but unconscious from the heat and impact of the hot spring wave. I then watched the rescue team as they got her body and brought her to where I was. "NOW! SOMEONE! DO CPR!" I said cheerfully despite the fact that my best friend was unconscious. "YOU THERE!" I then went over the crowd of men and landed on... Uryuu. "CPR! NOW! GO!"

Suddenly, my friend shot up and said, "WOW! OKAY...THAT WAS FUN WHILE IT LASTED," and frantically gets up to leave.

"YOU DONT WANT THE KISS OF LIFE FROM URYUU?! HE WAS WILLING!" I called after her as I held up Uryuu and his chained arm.

"That's nice!" she said not wanting to look back at that madness that was her friend.

"WOULD PAULA, KELLY HU, OR MACARINA HAVE BEEN BETTER?!" I yelled as I pulled all those mentioned out of... some other... dimension... place... thing.

She slowed down a bit.

"No? I'll just put them back then," I said as I got out a wooden crate.

As she tried to fight the temptation, she was talking to herself. "Gah...NO! MUST...RESIST!"

I just herded them all into a big crate and said, "In you go..."

"Eh..." my friend said unsurely.

"MEN! SHIP TO ANTARTICA! THEY ARE NO LONGER NEEDED! BANISH THE WHORES!" I ordered with a smile.

"YES!" they said on command.

"WHAT!" my friend shouted an spun around to see them seal up the crate and put the crate on a ship. "HE-HEY WAIT!"

My men stopped and I said, "... You're lucky they didnt hoist the anchor."

"…" Speechless and open mouthed once again.

Wanting an answer already, I got all in her face and asked, "NOW DO YOU WANT THREE KISSES OF LIFE FROM THEM OR NOT?! THEY SHALL GO TO ANTARTICA IF THEY ARE NOT NEEDED!"

"Eh...heh," she said nervously.

"OR THEY CAN STAY FOR SIMPLE VIEWING PLEASURE!" I said and put them all in glass cases. "YES? NO?"

She then took popcorn and blankie and camped out in front of glass cases.

"Well then," I said turning away from her and the cases. "MEN! BRING ME THE AFRO MANS CORPSE!"

"Better...than...Bleach," I heard her mumble. I watched as they lay the corpse before me.

"BRING ME MY SPEAR!" and I took a spear from a follower.  
"BRING ME YOUR ELECTRIC SHAVER!" and took someone's electric shaver.  
"SHAVE HIS HEAD FIRST!" and handed the shaver Ikkaku to shave the man's head.  
"NOW THAT THATS DONE..." and I began stabbing the body continuously with a spear.

Crying heard in the distance, and my friend says, "Damn you glass!"

I took a pause from stabbing and asked, "Who's crying?"

She just continued to jab at the glass.

"Would they like a turn at no-more-afro-afro-man?" I asked.

"Afro...afro...man?" she repeated.

"No more afro, afro man," I repeated for the slow and stupid.

"Yay?" she replied confused..

"Indeed," I replied with an evil grin on my face.

". . ." was her reply as she walksedaway from glass cases...surprisingly enough. "...Now don't get any more bad ideas."

"TIME TO KILL BUSH EVEN THOUGH ITS HIS LAST TERM!" I said loudly, "but that can wait."

And she went quiet again. "First... time to get something to drink," I said as I left and then came back with green tea.

"Since when do you drink tea?" she asked slightly impatient with an eyebrow raised.

My answer was simply sipping my tea and giving her a blank stare in return.

". . ."

_Sip._

She then sighed before taking a cup for herself and walking back to the cases.

After, I was watching Ikkaku's fight like nothing happened.  
"Ooh his Bankai," I said as sipped my tea.

My friend just waved lazily and replied, "Uh huh."

"He looks really hot," I said and drooled a little. "Picture time."

"Heh, heh...I know," I heard my friend say as she leaned on one of the glass cases.

"Did you just call one of them a he?" I asked confused as I turned around to look at her and she looks away for once from the cases.

"I said 'he' and then you said, 'I know' ... either you called one of them a 'he' or you've been looking at one of my men," I said sending her a death glare. "So which one is it?"

Her eyes widened. "WHY WOULD i LOOK AT ANY OF YOUR MEN?!? Pshh...old geezers. Besides, I don't know what you're talking about," she replied.

"..." I sent her and evil death glare. "What did you say?" There was an evil glint in myeye accompanied by a crazy evil grin.

She hid behind her "blankie". "I mean...uhh. Nothing against your taste in men, its just...they're not my type...that's all. eh heh..." she said nervously and hoping her answer would suffice.

"That's what I thought," I said as I resumed watching Ikkaku's fight.

She let out a sigh of relief before continuing her 'camp-out' in front of the glass cases.

"BREAK TIME!" I said aloud before going to the bathroom while my friend continued to watch the people in the glass case.

When I came back, I watched Ikkaku stretch, and succumbed under hypnotizm from his abs while my friend speaks not a word while she eats her popcorn..

I snap out of the trance and tell myself, "No time to gawk."

My friend hears word 'gawk' and turns. "...stupid birds," she says and continues to stare.

"BREAKS OVER!" I said and resumes seat as Ikkaku goes back to fighting position.

My friend continues to watch "as...uhhh...'they are in the glass'".

Out of nowhere I stand up and point to Yumichika saying, "YOU REMIND ME OF KURAMA!" and then points to Kurama. "YOU TWO LOOK VERY FEMININE! ESPECIALLY IN YOUR "YOUNGER" DAYS!" I tell them.

My friend turns at the sound of Kurama.

"YOU ALSO LOOK LIKE SOUJI OKITA!" I tell Yumichika as I point to Okita. For my friend's sake, I put Kurama in a glass case as well.

"KITSUNE!!!!" she squealed so loud that it made me cover my ears. She poked at the glass of Kurama's case and said, "I will call you Kitsune."  
She then looked at Paula's glass case and sighed. "This isn't right..." and she opened her glass case and released her. "You should go back to Mic," asks she said and asked one of my many followers to bring her back home, but not before making her forget the past 'traumatic' event. My friend ended up just slouching in front of the remaining cases.

I just looked at her dryly as one of my followers came back. "Meh?" she said.

"Hey dumbass, just to let you know, that was a clone," I tell her while patting the Paula clone on the head.

All she did was sigh and say, "Oh well... The more the merrier...FOR HIM?!?"

I just sighed and shook my head as I put Paula back in the case. I rapped the glass case and said, "She's the only clone."  
Lazily gesturing to the other two I said, "They're real."

My friend just lazily waved back and I put them all back in the wooden crate.

* * *

Yeah... got kinda off... Okay, really off. The other death stories are better I swear. And by better I mean more involved with the killing and not so much the side-tracking. 

Next... Don Kanonji and a surprise guest.

See ya!


End file.
